Fear Factor: Preschool Edition

Recently, our school was the recipient of a DoE grant that brings fresh fruit and vegetable snacks to each classroom every day.  Lucky us, right?  Except that the choices have been less than ideal for the five-year-old palate.  Pears, mangos, grapes, apples, carrot sticks, and cucumber slices have gone over well.  Raw cauliflower, raw broccoli, raw sweet potato, celery without peanut butter or any other dip, raw green beans, and raw zucchini….not so much.  Regardless, we have a class rule that everyone has to try at least one BITE of the snack.  It has led to some hilarious moments - kids claiming they are allergic to tomatoes (“My mommy says I can’t have those.”) to dramatically clenching their teeth and telling me they’re being poisoned. 

Cauliflower day was particularly entertaining - as it turns out, most of my students had never encountered it before.  While munching delicately on a piece of it, one student approached me with a very thoughtful look on her face:

Kid:  Did I mention that this tastes like nothing?

Me: You’re right, it really doesn’t have a strong flavor.

Kid: Yes.  It’s like a boring cousin of broccoli!

(She then proceeded to spit the rest of her mouthful out in the garbage can…)

Go Wash Your Feet!

Earlier this week, with temperatures soaring into the 80s (whoa!) I wore sandals to work for the first time this year.  I forgot that this would inevitably involve explaining my stick n poke toe tattoos to my students - there was no way this was going to slide past them.

Sure enough, not even 5 minutes into the day, one of my kids points to my toes.  “What that, Miss Julianna?” 

Before I could muster a response, another student came over to look.  Petting my big toe, she said “You drewed on yourself?”

The first student looked shocked.  “Does your mommy know?  You have to take a bath to get that off later.”

The Boy Who Swallowed A Lego

Last week, one of the teachers I work with brought in some extra lego pieces from her house to add to our classroom bin.  This included four ninjas and their assorted weaponry, and as you can probably imagine they were an instant hit. So popular, in fact, that all of them went missing within the first ten minutes of their debut.  After successfully intervening in at least 6 attempted kidnappings last week, I thought things would calm down and the novelty would fade.

Not true.

Yesterday, from across the room where I was working with a small group of students, I heard loud yelling from the lego table.  In the ten seconds it took me to cross the room, I watched in horror as one boy yanked his arm away from the grasp of the other and brought his hand up to his mouth.  I knelt down and made intense eye contact with the boy, saying “SPIT IT OUT RIGHT NOW!” as sternly as I could (holding back a snort of incredulous laughter). 

He looked back into my eyes and opened his mouth - revealing no toy.   His face quickly fell from triumph to regret.

“I swallowed it,” he said, voice ridden with guilt.  The expression on his face was just as shocked - if not more - than mine.  I could see the gears turning in his head as he realized the flaw in his 5-year-old logic.

I can imagine his internal monologue as he did the deed and felt the satisfaction of beating his opponent in the battle for the ninja skull - “Hah!  Now you’ll never get it!”.  I can also easily imagine the “oh shit” moment (no pun intended) when he realized “Now I’ll never get it…”

[Side note - he was totally fine.  The piece swallowed was smaller than a dime and quite round, so the nurse was very much assured that things would pass through without a problem.  She called home to alert the parents, which I can only imagine was a hilarious phone call to be privy to.  He came back to school today, with nothing injured beyond his pride.  Oh, and a week-long hiatus from legos.]

Spring Break Stories

Yesterday was our first day back at school after a 10 day hiatus for spring break.   I went to Chicago, and it was lovely.  Trying to ask my students about their break, however, has been a bit more puzzling.  Some examples:

1. A Conversation Over Pancakes

Me: What did you do over spring break last week?

Kid: Weeeell, it was my sister’s birthday and I took a shower.

Me: For her birthday?

Kid: (looking at me puzzled) No…. to get clean.

Me: Right, for her birthday party?

Kid: No, for a different day. 

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2. A Conversation at the Bus Stop

Kid 1: Look what [my cousin] brought me!

(unzips his Spiderman backpack to reveal a woolly mammoth stuffed animal)

Me: Wow!  (To his cousin) Where did you get that from?

Kid 2: At Chicago.

Me: Ooh you went to Chicago?

Kid 2: Mmhmm!!  Last week.

Me: Did you go to a museum or the aquarium?

Kid 2: (shakes head “no”)

Me: Did you get it at a toy store?

Kid 2: No.  I got it at Chicago.

Me: Well, what did you do in Chicago?

Kid 2: We got to watch a movie in the car and went at Chicago.

Fine Dining, Four-Year Old Style

When I meet my students at the bus, especially on Monday mornings, I like to check in with them about what they’ve been up to outside of school.  Came across this gem today:

Kid: I was at a restaurant that’s called Sonic.  Do you know that one?

Me: Yes, I do.  Did you have to drive in the car to get there?

Kid:  Yes. My Gramma said it was a extra special treat so I wore my favoritest shirt ever that has the tom and jerry guys on it.

Me: Wow, that sounds really exciting.  Did you have fun?

Kid: Well, um, I was running around with my brother and then I felled and broke ALL MY SKIN OFF (sticks his elbow in my face so I can see the scab).